


just a little noise

by Hymn



Series: Voltron: Legendary Defender [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ableism, Boys Arguing, Coping, I guess???, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Season 6 Spoilers, Trauma, and ptsd, dealing with grief, lol, processing tough feels, season 6, shance fandom this is for you, there is never a reason to give up hope!!, we got this!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 01:45:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14945303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hymn/pseuds/Hymn
Summary: “Fine.You wanna know what I think? I think you’re having a pity party in your bathroom, Shiro. Party of one, and that’snotcool. If you want to hack off all your hair,go for it. Just do it! Be bald! Bald and beautiful, baby, I’m sure you could pull it off –”Damn,Shiro thought, blinking hard;almost forgot what a mouth he has on him.





	just a little noise

**Author's Note:**

> this is legit a mess but my heart was crying out for all the shancers who were hurting after this season and look look look i'm just saying that there is no such thing as a dead ship, okay what we love about them is still entirely valid and just because things are confusing or stressful or messy or DIFFERENT doesn't mean it has to be how we think it seems to be, doesn't mean things can't change or what have you I DON'T KNOW GUYS, I'M JUST SAYING, I GOT A LOT OF FEELS and dealt a glancing blow at some of them in this, okay
> 
> also, those sheith moments were amazing and beautiful but true fact i still prefer writing the shance dynamic YOU CAN'T BRING ME DOWN here's proof.

“Hey,” Lance said, loitering by the door. “What are, uh… dude, _what_ are you doing?“

Shiro pursed his lips, not bothering to look up from the clippers in his hand. His thumb was resting just below the button to turn it on, hesitant, just as it had been for the past five minutes. “Hm..”

“…Shiro? Should I –”

Shifting his hip against the edge of the sink so that it dug in, Shiro tried not to let his shoulders tense.

“– want some help? I used to buzz my brother Marco’s hair all the time, you know. Got pretty good at it. No rough patches or weird lines or anything, I can –”

_bzzzzt_

Lance stopped talking, and Shiro could _feel_ him hovering just on the precipice of the entrance way to the bathroom. He’d been doing that ever since Shiro’d woken up, really, treating him with distance and caution.

Well, except for that second time when he’d burst into tears and apologized in a high, choked voice for not hearing him, as if it was _his_ fault that this had happened, as if it was Lance’s fault that Shiro had been _dead_ , and as if it meant something that it had been Keith who got him back, and –

It did mean something. What Keith had done was… so much. More than Shiro had expected. More than he had dared to hope.

But it –

It wasn’t –

Huffing a frustrated breath, Shiro clicked the button again, letting silence fill the bathroom once more. It seemed suspiciously bright, suddenly, the overhead lights flaring at the corners of his eyes, like light through a prism, or water droplets. His shoulders heaved, just a little, and he leaned harder into the sink, shoulder twitching.

Why did everything feel like such a _mess_? So much confusion, so much uncertainty? What was Shiro supposed to think? How was he meant to react? Keith looking at him with those bright eyes. Pidge barely looking at him at _all_. Allura heartbroken and Lance wandering about like he’d forgotten his place in the world, too quiet and shuttered, it –

It _sucked_. A part of Shiro just wished he could go to sleep and not wake up until the universe started making _sense_ again.

“You know…” Lance said, voice careful but still managing to startle Shiro. He had gotten caught up in his thoughts again, swirling and swirling, so _fast_ and frantic. God, he was so tired. _Rest_ , Allura had said, and he _had_ so why didn’t it feel like enough? Why –

Frustrated, Shiro blurted out, “Just – out with it, Lance. I’m not going to break if you speak your mind, okay? Just because I died the _once_ doesn’t mean I’m going to drop dead at the first –”

“Whoa,” cut in Lance, voice sharp. “Whoa, whoa! What are you talking about?!”

Shiro dropped the clippers into the sink with a clatter; turned around and leaned against the sink so he could give Lance a strained smile. He half-hid his face beneath his hand, rubbing wearily at his forehead, knowing that his expression would still come off as pinched.

“Nothing,” he said. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

Unconvinced, Lance leaned back dangerously far on his heels, eyes narrowed. “Sure,” he said, mouth twisted in suspicion. “Sure, yeah, definitely nothing. Should I – Should I get Keith?”

_Should I should I should I._

“I dunno,” Shiro drawled, sagging back in sudden exhaustion. “Should you? Seems to me like you’re awfully unsure of yourself these days, Lance. Not exactly fitting for the Red Paladin, don’t you think?”

This time, Lance rocked forward onto his toes, eyes narrowed to near slits, a slight flush of annoyance touching his face. It almost made Shiro smile.

“ _Fine._ You wanna know what I think? I think you’re having a pity party in your bathroom, Shiro. Party of one, and that’s _not_ cool. If you want to hack off all your hair, _go for it_. Just do it! Be bald! Bald and beautiful, baby, I’m sure you could pull it off –”

 _Damn,_ Shiro thought, blinking hard; _almost forgot what a mouth he has on him._

“– so just stop _wallowing_ already, and let us _help_ you. It’s not like it was easy for us, either, all right? Like, not easy AT ALL, DUDE. You don’t think we’re all reeling, here? You think you’re the only one who _died_ , Shiro? Nope! Spoiler alert! That select group also includes me, in case you were wondering! And ohhh no, poor Shiro, his handsome boyfriend goes above and beyond to save him –”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Shiro whispered, heart pounding.

“– _who cares_ ,” Lance exploded, arms waving wildly. His face was flushed bright red, eyes gleaming. “It doesn’t – _that’s fine_. That’s the point, Shiro. All of this – everything – it’s _going to be fine_. But we all need some time to _not_ be fine, okay? So stop acting like we’re all, I dunno, crazy for dealing with it in our own ways, yeah? Or like we’re _offending_ you for trying to give you the space and respect you deserve, you –”

“Lance,” Shiro said, helplessly, fingers curled so tight around the lip of the sink his knuckles ached.

“– you _idiot_ ,” Lance finished, eyes shimmering with tears.

“Uhm,” tried Shiro. “Do you want to, ah, sit down? Take a deep breath, maybe?”

“Shut your face,” Lance groaned, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes with a showy grimace. “Ugh, this is – exhausting.”

A corner of Shiro’s lip quirked; his heart was still racing, unsettled. “…Yeah. It really is.”

“I hate emotions. I’m returning mine. Do not want. Send to good home. Or bad, I don’t care, I just don’t _want_ them anymore. First my one crush crushes on someone else and then gets _betrayed_ , and I’m not – I’m not going to try anything, okay? I’m not gonna be _that guy_ , but shit. How am I supposed to feel, exactly? And then my other stupid crush gets a fairy-tale ending, and it’s just – I’m done. I’m soooo done. I’m going to become a nun as soon as we get to Earth, Shiro, I swear it.”

…Shiro’s mouth felt dry. He wasn’t certain he could breathe.

Delicately, he asked, “Your…other stupid crush?”

Lance went still as the grave.

“Uhm. Pretend I didn’t say that.”

Shiro thought about pushing. He really, really did, but… _the space and respect you deserve._ Right. He could do that too, even when it felt like he was drowning, even though everything seemed too much, and distant, and _strange_. Even being back in his body was weird – the sound of his heartbeat – the way his teeth clacked together.

“I missed this,” he said instead, without meaning to.

Confused, Lance crossed his arms, leaning against the doorjamb once more. He still looked nettled though, ready to go off again. “What?”

“Your – noise.”

Incredulous, Lance’s eyebrows rose, mouth dropping open in offense.

_Oh, shit. Abort, Shirogane, abort!_

“That came out wrong,” he rushed to explain, throwing up a hand – whoops, wrong one. Just his right shoulder twitched, and Shiro jerked his head down to glare at it, annoyed. At least it made Lance pause, long enough for Shiro to say, sheepishly, “It was… real quiet, with Black. I could… everything she saw, I saw. But it… it wasn’t nearly enough. And you – you’re _warm_ , Lance. Loud, and bright, and I – I remember thinking when the silence got to be too… too much, that I really missed you going off on one of your diatribes.”

“Huh,” said Lance.

Shiro shrugged, like he was trying to roll the awkwardness off him.

“I don’t really know what I want,” he admitted, feeling – embarrassed, wrong, ashamed. “I feel like I should. I _should_. But I just – I’ve been gone so long. And I had so much time to think that I’m not sure I know _what_ to think anymore, you know? You’re all so… You’ve been living your lives, but I just… stopped.”

Lance flapped his hand at him dismissively. “Who says you have to? Huh? Who says _any_ of us need to know what we want? Who says it can’t change, Shiro? That we can’t change our minds over and over again?”

“I…”

“ _Who_.”

“No one,” Shiro yelped, “ _Fine_. No one! It – ugh! Lance, I don’t. I don’t want to _do_ this right now, I just want –”

“To shave off all of your hair?”

Shiro grimaced. He’d almost forgotten about the reason he was in the bathroom to begin with. His hand was shaking when he brought it back to his forehead, rubbing hard at the skin beneath his bangs. “I just… it reminds me of all that I’ve lost.”

Snorting, Lance said dryly, “And a shiny bald head won’t? Just leave it, Shiro. Let it settle. Give _it_ time.” Shiro rolled his eyes to the ceiling, because that hadn’t been subtle at all, ha. “It’s okay to start again. We’re not going anywhere. You’ve got time, buddy.”

“…it makes me look _old_ ,” Shiro admitted, nearly mumbling.

“Ha!”

Narrowing his eyes, Shiro twisted his mouth so that he wouldn’t accidentally smile. Lance was grinning at him, mood as mercurial as ever. Steadier, yes, more prone to startling insight, but still as willing to rise to a challenge or give in to humor as he had been, _before_.

Shiro wished he knew what all he had missed; he wanted the pieces of the puzzle, to see how and where he fit into all of this.

He _wanted_ –

“What?” he forced himself to ask, though his tongue felt clumsy and strange. “You disagree?”

Almost gently, Lance teased, “Shiro, you’re a Silver Fox if there ever was one.”

… _Huh_.

“You just like white hair,” Shiro said on autopilot, not even thinking about what Lance had said earlier about –

“Yeah, well,” Lance muttered, scratching beneath his jaw and side-eying the medicine cabinet with intense interest, “ _hair_ isn’t really what makes someone attractive, you know.”

– crushes.

As in _plural_.

“Right,” Shiro coughed, and _what the hell_ , why was there heat rising in his face?

“Give it a week,” said Lance, eyes flickering back to him and then away again. “A week, okay? And if you still want to buzz it all off let me know. I’ll do it for you, okay?”

“…Okay,” Shiro allowed.

Lance nodded; one short, sharp jerk of his chin, and then he was grinning brightly – Shiro couldn’t tell if it was fake or real or what, just that it was near blinding – and started to walk himself lazily backwards, toward the door. “Well, then, my duty is done. I’m just gonna, go – leave you to it, and –”

“Lance,” Shiro asked, lurching forward fast to catch him before he hit the door. “Why did you come here? I mean – did you need anything?”

For a moment, Lance just looked at him, something in his gaze that Shiro couldn’t place. Something serious about the set of his mouth that made his heart beat unsteadily again. Uncomfortable, Shiro wanted to look away, but –

Somehow, he didn’t quite dare.

“No,” Lance said, simple and easy, “Just checking in.”

Weird, how his stomach felt all wobbly and strange. “Thanks,” he said, and had to lick his lips; they felt painfully dry. “Do you – later, will you come back? Can I ask you… questions? About…”

Careful, Lance said, “Keith would –”

“Keith wasn’t here,” Shiro said, voice a little too loud. He cleared his throat, and said more quietly. “He wasn’t… _here_ , with you guys. With me. And we’ve… we’ve already talked. I – like I said, Lance. I missed your noise. I want to talk to _you_.”

He tried to grin a little, knowing it was crooked, but still hoping it would be enough to convince him. By the way Lance only looked more skeptical, Shiro didn’t think it worked, but –

“Sure,” Lance said. “That’s. Uh, fine. I’ll be by later, yeah? After dinner?”

Shiro nodded eagerly, and then said, dumbly, “Sure! I mean, _yes_ , please, I’d… I’d like that.”

Thankfully, that was enough. Lance laughed a little, shaking his head, but shot off a little casual salute and spun on his heel, leaving with a lazy, rolling stride that Shiro found… a little distracting.

Maybe.

Everything was so _confusing_. Nothing was what he remembered. And it just – he didn’t know how to deal with it, he didn’t, what was he meant to do with any of this, he just –

Spinning on his heel, Shiro stared at himself in the mirror, gaze defiant.

God, even his _eyebrows_ had gone white.

 _Just give it time_ , he thought, trying hard. _A week. Give it – a week._ Then he thought, _…Silver Fox, huh?_ and watched a grin steal its way across his face, a little smug.


End file.
